See No Evil 2
Movie Review by Siobahn Harris
Okay, so I want to be very honest, this was not a movie I was planning on watching and definitely not a movie I was planning on reviewing, but I just happened to watch it tonight and I couldn’t let it go, so here we are! This is a pretty old movie, 2014, compared to what I normally watch, but I hadn’t seen it yet and with it being my first watch I figured this would be an interesting review.
I was watching Pluto TV and saw that See No Evil 2 was coming on and I thought, “I watched the first one and enjoyed it, it was cheesy but good, so let’s give this a try.”
Worst. Decision. Ever.
I’m not sure if this movie was trying to be a bad movie or not, but if they were, I want to say they nailed it, but it wasn’t a good bad movie like the Hatchet series, it was just bad!
Let’s go over the basics, for those of you who don’t know. Two undertakers (har har, Kane v Undertakers), Amy (played by Danielle Harris) and Seth (played by Kaj-Erik Eriksen) are working late. When Seth points out that it is Amy’s birthday, he insists that she go home so she can enjoy her night. However, when they get a call that a killer went on a rampage, they realize that their night is going to be a lot longer than they expected. Not only will they have to take care of all the victim’s bodies, but they will also be housing the body of the killer Jacob Goodnight (played by Glenn “Kane” Jacobs – not going to nerd out but being a huge wrestling fan, this was a major selling point for me). After missing her birthday celebration to clean dead bodies, Amy’s friends decide it was a good idea to show up at her job… huh?… and have a birthday party there… why?… Let’s just take a moment to discuss this, her friends have popped into her job, with booze to party the night away when Amy explained to them that she would be so busy that she wouldn’t have time to party. Crappy friends. Also, her friends are drinking out of random beakers they found there, because buying those cheap red cups would have put the party way over budget. Anyway! The party is a big hit for about ten minutes, if that, when everyone goes their separate ways. One couple went to go look at the bodies and have sex next to them (go home Tamara, you’re drunk), one guy went back to work, two others start making out, and the others strategically place themselves where the killer will easily find them. When the Dead-Bodies-Turn-Me-On couple discover that the dead killer isn’t so dead, all hell breaks loose and they all must fight to survive the night locked in with a blood hungry dead man.
I just want to start from the beginning, Jacob Goodnight is dead, so very dead, like beyond dead, there is no coming back from that dead, but this movie tried to defy that. He didn’t get out of the cockadoody car! I was already annoyed with the idea that we were trying to bring him back, but I gave it a chance. Then paramedics tried to revive him, a lot, but nothing, dead dead dead. The part that really annoyed me was that the paramedics tried to revive him, so they were probably rushing to the hospital, but when they couldn’t revive him, he was suddenly delivered to the morgue with the rest of the bodies. However, that wasn’t the original plan, the plan was to save him and send him to the hospital (different building from the morgue btw), but during the ride there, they called it. Then we flash to the morgue where they are waiting for the bodies and Amy asked Seth who they were getting and he read the clipboard and said, “Jacob Goodnight.” No no, sir! No no! You can’t have that on your clipboard because Jacob Goodnight wasn’t supposed to be there that night, he was supposed to be at the hospital. I know that something so little, but seriously, that drove me crazy the whole time!
Are we to assume this killer is supernatural? Is he a ghost or does he have some sort of magical powers? What am I missing? How does he know where everyone is going to be before they get there, when the people who work there barely know their way around?
Oh, and we get it, sex sells and sex and horror tend to go hand and hand, but it was bad enough that we had to sit through a weird I like dead bodies sex scene, but the worst line (and there were a lot of stinkers) was “You have to make eye contact during a toast or else it’s seven years of bad sex.” Seriously? It seemed like you were just going out of your way to bring up sex again.
I feel like I could go on forever listing all the problems with this movie. To be honest, I wish I could list something good about this movie, but I’m finding myself drawing a blank. I can say that seeing Danielle Harris was a surprise in this movie. I may not be her biggest fan, but it was nice to see someone who knew how to deliver lines. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen Katharine Isabelle and Chelan Simmons in other movies that I enjoyed like American Mary and Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil, but this movie really dropped the ball for them.
Was there any shred of True Fear? Not a chance. This movie was laughable, seriously, we laughed through most of it. If you decide to sit through this movie (you can watch it on Tubi for free), and I highly recommend that you don’t, just know that it is more of a joke than a horror movie.
Again, the only thing I can think is that this was an attempt at creating a cheesy bad movie that people would love, but in the end, it was just a bad movie that I’m guessing everyone wishes they didn’t make.