Oh no. I don’t want to. I know that I’m walking into this review with a highly unpopular opinion and I just don’t want to, but the truth must come out! This was not a horror movie. The Black Christmas remake was someone’s stance on women’s rights movement instead of being a horror movie. Is it too late to get my money back?
I want to keep this short and sweet, but I fear that will be difficult because this movie was all over the map.
The basic breakdown: Sororities are the target of attacks by a cloaked killer.
The deeper look: Riley (Imogen Poots) and her sorority sisters decide they want to stick it to a popular fraternity three years after she was date raped by one of the members. The girls… oh, I’m sorry, the women (they continuously demand everyone call them women instead of girls even though they’re acting like children) have come up with a plan to get back at the frat house. They decide to enter the fraternity’s talent contest, dress in Christmas themed lingerie dresses, and sing and dance. The song they sing is a jolly little, you raped me song, that just seemed to piss off the fraternity members.
Soon each of the sisters start getting threatening text messages. Some are getting the messages and just ignoring them, while others are getting the messages and being killed. It doesn’t take long for there to be an all out attack on the sorority house, but unfortunately, that’s not the only sorority under attack. All of the sorority sisters then team up and head over to the fraternity to end things. However, they discover that there is a lot more going on in that house than they thought.
Here’s where I need to tread lightly. Let’s start with the things I did like and just let it tumble down hill from there.
Cary Elwes, how you doin’? He was the best part about this film. Not that his character was awesome, because his character was a jerk, but my massive crush on him has never faded. I’ll never tire of hearing him say “As you wish”. Btw, I want that painting they had of him in the frat house, please and thank you.
I loved that there were a lot more kills in this movie than there was in the original. However, they should have popped that rating up and showed us a bit more. There wasn’t much fear in this movie, so it would’ve been nice to see some gruesome kills.
It was a nice touch to modernize the obscene phone calls. Sure someone could call the sorority sisters, but what are the chances that they would answer in this day and age? It was a nice touch.
I thought it was awesome that there were little nods to the original Black Christmas. My recent review on the original will tell you that I’m not a fan, but I do appreciate when the remakes take a minute to thank the original movies for paving the way.
In this case, the glass unicorn statue from the first movie was used to murder someone in this one. It was such a small scene that if you were to blink, you might have missed it. Here’s a picture of the original unicorn, so you can look for it in the Black Christmas remake.
When Riley goes to campus security to report a friend missing, the same excuse is used for not searching for her. In the original they said, “90% of the time girls are reported missing from the college they’re at a cabin somewhere with a boyfriend”. In this one they said, “9 times out of 10 the girl is just with a boyfriend”. Nice to know that statistic hasn’t changed from 1974-2019.
They brought the cat back. I’ve got a complaint about this too, but for now, I’m just thrilled they kept that aspect of the original.
So just a heads up to those who decide to watch this movie, you will be offended. Both men and women take a hit in this movie, as gender stereotypes are thrown around left and right.
Ladies, did you know that when hanging out with our friends at holiday parties, we tend to have pillow fights? Also, a few things we can’t live without, our diva cups, our push-up bras, and looking sexy on Christmas and any other holiday. Another thing, if we do lose our diva cup, we are apparently too stupid to know how to work a pad. We flip out when our guys tell us to “calm down” or tell us that we are being “hysterical”, even when we are. We can’t just own a snow shovel, it needs to be pink, you know, because we’re women.
Oh, and remember the cat they brought back? Well, in the original it was a male cat named Claude, but of course that would never do in the man hating film of 2019, so it became a female cat named Claudette. You couldn’t even let the cat stay the same? Really?
All men are lumped together throughout the movie. Are you a nice guy who treats women nicely? No, you’re not. Not in this movie. All men suck, because “they have all the power”. On top of that, the one man that the sorority sisters liked, a boyfriend of one of the girls, decided to say something against them, “you sang that song, of course they’re mad!” and they all yell at him and throw him out. How dare he have a mind of his own!
The Black Christmas remake didn’t feel like a horror movie, it felt like a movement. I get it, women aren’t treated fairly, but I don’t want to talk about it in a horror movie. I’m all about the animal rights movement, but I’m not going to sprint to the theaters to see a horror movie talk about it.
Considering how offensive this movie was to women in particular, I was shocked to see that it was written by two women. It was just a disappointment.
Oh goodness, no! I spent more time rolling my eyes than even thinking about being scared. Like I said before, it’s easy to forget that you’re watching a horror movie. They tried too hard to be a part of the women’s rights movement that it took away from everything else.